Collection of wacky stories

Tiêu đề: Collection of wacky stories Thu Jan 17, 2008 1:59 pm

A Cow Grazing

Artist : "That, sir, is a cow grazing"
Visitor : "Where is the grass ?
Artist : "The cow has eaten it"
Visitor : "But where is the cow ?"
Artist : "You don't suppose she'd be fool enough to stay there after she'd eaten all the grass, do you ?"

Laughing

Tiêu đề: Re: Collection of wacky stories Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:22 am

My Daughter's Music Lessons

"My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me ?"
"How is that ?"
"They enabled me to buy the neighbors' houses at half price".

albino

Được sửa bởi ngày Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:14 am; sửa lần 1.

Super Pussy

An old lady in a nursing home was really hot to trot one day. She slipped into her nicest dress (with nothing on underneath) and proceeded down the hall to find her a stud. She came to the first door to see a bunch of men watching the big screen.

She walked in, put her leg up on the lazy-boy and said, "SUPPER PUSSY!"

The men just turned, looked her up and down and shook there heads. Still feeling frisky she walked down the hall to the next room where she saw another bunch of men. One was playing the piano, so she threw her leg up on the stool and yelled, "SUPPER PUSSY!"

Again the men just shook there heads and turned away. She needed a man. So she continued to walk down the hall to the cafeteria. There she finds some men at a table. She throws her leg up on it and yells. "SUPPER PUSSY!"

Well this old boy stops in his tracks, checks her up and down real good, and says, "I think I'll have the soup."
Very Happy

Tiêu đề: Re: Collection of wacky stories Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:07 am

Beer Vs Pussy

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Draw

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.

Tiêu đề: Re: Collection of wacky stories Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:36 pm

The Californian and The Texan

A Californian flew out to Texas to look at some property for sale. After landing at the airport, he drove out to the ranch and met the ranch hand that was going to show him the property.

The Texan saddled up a couple of horses and the two of them rode off across the range. After riding a while, they found themselves up on a ridge, and looking down, spotted a sheep with its head stuck in the fence.

The Texan looked at the Californian and said "I'd better take care this".

So he got off his horse, walked down to the sheep, dropped his pants and took care of business.

Looking back at the Californian, he said "Hey, you want some of this?"

The Californian shook his head yes, got off his horse, dropped his pants and put his head in the fence.

Tiêu đề: Re: Collection of wacky stories Fri Feb 22, 2008 2:41 pm

Ballerina At The Bar

This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!" After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"

The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"